Monday, May 31, 2010

The Valley of Decision

"Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision" ...

I know it's from the bible, from Revelation, talking about the multitudes of people who have not yet made a choice for or against the Living God. But tonight, for me, it is the phrase that repeats itself like a skipped record over and over again in my mind. I feel like I'm standing here, in a valley of decision, the deepest I've encountered so far in my life. Behind me stretches two years of preparation, planning, and prayer. In front of me, a darkness, the hidden future, my immediate destiny. Only God knows.

I've stood in other valleys of decision in my life. The first I can remember is when I decided whether to join my family in the Solomons, or finish high school in the States, alone. Where to go to college was another one, an easy decision bolstered by my faith in a good and providing God. Choosing to give Scott my heart was scary. But I trusted him, and I trusted my God. Moving to New Mexico while pregnant was hard, but the choice was easy and clear because of all the opened doors and divine provision.

This valley is different, because the decision is not mine to make. Scott and I already made our choice to run for this political office. I now stand, with the steep climb behind me and darkness ahead, empty and poured out, with everything on the line --- waiting to see what thousands of voters will choose tomorrow. I am empty, frayed, worn, standing here with only one certain thing to cling to:

I know that when 7:00 pm rolls around tomorrow, my God will be with me. My faith is not in what I believe He has told me, or promised to me, or will give me, but in who I know He is. I know God is always with me. He will never leave me or forsake me. He is with me always, even to the end of the age. He doesn't owe me anything. He has His own reasons for exalting some, for choosing one over another. All in this world is just sifting sand, and the only thing I have to cling to is that He is with me, and His purpose is higher.

I hope that when the darkness clears, when the decision has been made (whatever it is), my little heart will be able to trust still in my God.