What Happens In the Dark

It was dark.  I was having a flirt fest under the eves of the church with another girl and two local boys.  Just the typical harmless fun shared by teenagers worldwide - laughing, sideways looks, lots of posturing by the boys.  Ostensibly, we were preparing the music sheets for tomorrow night's choir practice.  In reality, we were just stealing a few moments away from prying adult eyes, in this society where males and females kept strictly apart most of the time.

One of the boys was the son of a trusted local translator.  His dad was my father's friend.  There was something about him that I didn't quite trust - a shifty eye, something in the set of his mouth, or the way he carried himself.  Little rumors hinted around the well as girls gathered to draw water and gossip.  But I accepted him into my sphere because his family was trusted.  So he could be.  Right?

There in the dark, under the deeper shadows of the sheltering church, I felt a hand snake out and grab my breast.  And the stars fell from the sky.

Unable to breathe, I backed towards the low outer wall of the church.  "Hey, where are you going?" he called, mockingly.  I couldn't form a word.  "Come back," he called.  But I fled.

Did you know that in the United States, 33% of girls and 14% of boys are sexually molested by the time they reach the age of 18?  Approximately three quarters of reported cases of child sexual abuse are committed by either a family member or someone the child knows.  It happens in the dark, under cover and away from eyes that would protect the victim and expose the evil.

So I ask you today:  inform  yourself.  Turn on the light in your relationships, and don't be afraid to let it shine deeply into the darkness.

Here are some signs that a child might be a victim of sexual abuse (taken from www.protectkids.com):

• Waking up during the night sweating, screaming or shaking with nightmares. 
• Masturbating excessively. 
• Showing unusually aggressive behavior toward family members, friends, toys, and pets. 
• Complaining of pain while urinating or having a bowel movement, or exhibiting symptoms of genital infections such as offensive odors, or symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease. 
• Having symptoms indicating evidence of physical traumas to the genital or anal area. 
• Beginning wetting the bed. 
• Experiencing a loss of appetite or other eating problems, including unexplained gagging. 
• Showing unusual fear of a certain place or location. 
• Developing frequent unexplained health problems. 
• Engaging in persistent sexual play with friends, toys or pets. 
• Having unexplained periods of panic, which may be flashbacks from the abuse. 
• Regressing to behaviors too young for the stage of development they already achieved. 
• Initiating sophisticated sexual behaviors. 
• Indicating a sudden reluctance to be alone with a certain person. 
• Engaging in self-mutilations, such as sticking themselves with pins or cutting themselves. 
• Withdrawing from previously enjoyable activities, like school or school performance change.
• Asking an unusual amount of questions about human sexuality.

As hard as it may be to think someone you love could be sexually molesting a child, it is critically important that you champion the helpless and innocent.  Here are some warning signs to look for in a potential abuser (taken from www.stopitnow.org):

Relationships:

• Misses or ignores social cues about others’ personal or sexual limits and boundaries 
• Often has a "special" child friend, maybe a different one from year to year 
• Spends most of his/her spare time with children and shows little interest in spending time with someone their own age 
• Encourages silence and secrets in children 

Sexual Interactions

• Links sexuality and aggression in language or behavior, e.g. sexualized threats or insults, like “whore” or “slut” 
• Makes fun of children's body parts, describes children with sexual words like “stud” or “sexy” or talks again and again about the sexual activities of children or teens 
• Masturbates so often that it gets in the way of important day-to-day activities 
• Has an interest in sexual fantasies involving children and seems unclear about what's appropriate with children 
• Looks at child pornography or downloads/views Internet pornography and is not willing to show whether children are involved 
• Asks adult partners to dress or act like a child or teen during sexual activity 

Personal Safety/Responsibility:

• Has been known to make poor decisions while misusing drugs or alcohol 
• Justifies behavior, defends poor choices or harmful acts; blames others to refuse responsibility for behaviors 
• Minimizes hurtful or harmful behaviors when confronted; denies harmfulness of actions or words despite a clear negative impact 

And lastly, if you suspect a child may have been or is currently being sexually molested, don't hesitate. Call and report it.