Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Or, happy Hallmark Day. Or, happy 'If-you-don't-do-a-grand-gesture-today-you-don't-love-me-even-though-you-tell-me-the-other-364-days-of-the-year' Day. I mean, seriously, I am the original Valentine Scrooge.
The kids and I were at WalMart today, picking up our week's worth of groceries, and it was amazingly full of MEN. Whereas on a usual Monday morning, you will meet the typical stay at home moms, elderly people, and occasional business person on a mission, men filled the store today. They were everywhere. Well, actually not everywhere. There were none in Housewares, the Baby section, or even checking out the big screens in Electronics. No, they were all congregating around the cards, huge tacky stuffed animals, flowers, and of course, the candy aisle.
Because nothing says, "I love you", like a card ... Oh, wait, a card does say, "I love you". Literally.
Why can't men see that Hallmark is basically saying, "Look, you emotionally stunted MAN, you could never actually string enough words together to be able to tell your significant other how you feel (if, indeed, you DO have feelings inside that freakishly hairy chest of yours), so let the professionals do it for you. You DO want to get some tonight, right? We thought so."
Of course, any woman worth her salt won't be satisfied with just a Valentine's card. It's a nice (and necessary) token, but had better be accompanied by a pink stuffed moose with a heart shaped nose and antlers the size of a shopping cart, and a huge box of chocolates. The animal will be ooohed and ahhhhed over, sit in the bedroom for a few months, then be relegated to the Goodwill pile. The chocolates, on the other hand, will sit uneaten for months because they go straight to dear wifey's thunder thighs.
There, my rant for the day. Now on to Mother's Day.