Monday, February 14, 2011

According to my Facebook feed, it's Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!  Or, happy Hallmark Day.  Or, happy 'If-you-don't-do-a-grand-gesture-today-you-don't-love-me-even-though-you-tell-me-the-other-364-days-of-the-year' Day.  I mean, seriously, I am the original Valentine Scrooge.

The kids and I were at WalMart today, picking up our week's worth of groceries, and it was amazingly full of MEN.  Whereas on a usual Monday morning, you will meet the typical stay at home moms, elderly people, and occasional business person on a mission, men filled the store today.  They were everywhere.  Well, actually not everywhere.  There were none in Housewares, the Baby section, or even checking out the big screens in Electronics.  No, they were all congregating around the cards, huge tacky stuffed animals, flowers, and of course, the candy aisle.

Because nothing says, "I love you", like a card ... Oh, wait, a card does say, "I love you".  Literally.

Why can't men see that Hallmark is basically saying, "Look, you emotionally stunted MAN, you could never actually string enough words together to be able to tell your significant other how you feel (if, indeed, you DO have feelings inside that freakishly hairy chest of yours), so let the professionals do it for you.  You DO want to get some tonight, right?  We thought so."

Of course, any woman worth her salt won't be satisfied with just a Valentine's card.  It's a nice (and necessary) token, but had better be accompanied by a pink stuffed moose with a heart shaped nose and antlers the size of a shopping cart, and a huge box of chocolates.  The animal will be ooohed and ahhhhed over, sit in the bedroom for a few months, then be relegated to the Goodwill pile.  The chocolates, on the other hand, will sit uneaten for months because they go straight to dear wifey's thunder thighs.

There, my rant for the day.  Now on to Mother's Day.


  1. Hey, my card said, basically, that he enjoys looking at my butt. So I put it up behind my desk and showed everyone who came in:) And I do plan to eat my chocolates.

    But yes, like every other holiday, those who can make a buck off it will try to. And those who can't think for themselves will happily hand that buck over:)

  2. I agree completely, but we celebrate with the kids anyway. You are talking to a person who busts out the green food coloring on St. Patrick's day and bakes half a cake on half birthdays. I think of it as establishing tradition. I hope my kids remember that daddy took his little girl out every Valentine's day and the boys took their mommy out. And I plan on dragging them when they are teenagers too. :)

  3. LOL I agree. My husband and I take the kids out to dinner on valentines day and buy them a little goodie bag but other than that, we don't get all sappy. Cute post Danica:)

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